Thursday, November 17, 2011

Shy


“Bing, bing” The school bell rings letting everyone know there summer is officially over. Every single on of us has been threw the first day many times, but you could still feel the nerves in the air. Once we were all in our seats, the teacher started to take role. Already bored I started to look around, and noticed this girl, she was in jeans and a black hoody trying not to be noticed. When you looked at her you saw the pale sin of her face looking as if she was about to puke. Still not paying attention, I saw her face turn bright red and her hand slow rise to the ceiling she quietly mumbled, “here.” Still continuing to stare at the girl, I saw her face retune to that same pale color as before. Having missed her name I decided to introduce myself. When the teacher wasn’t looking, I turned her and whispered, “Hi my manes Sarah it’s nice to meet you.” Turning that same color red as before, she whispered “hi my names Ashley” almost so quiet I didn’t here it. Ashley didn’t talk for the rest of the hour and a half. As soon as the bell rang she snatched all her stuff and scurried away.
            Later that day my friends and I were sitting around at table in the cafeteria when I noticed Ashley walking in. She went straight to the lunch line with her head pointed straight at the ground the entire time she was getting her food. When she had finished paying she went to this table all by herself. Feeling bad I went to tell her to come sit my friends and I, I finally convinced her but it took awhile. When she scooped up all her stuff, she fallowed me to the table where we were sitting. It almost felt as if she would have rather been alone but I just couldn’t let her sit there all by herself. Ashley didn’t say a world the entire time she was with us. She just sat there with her red face and at her greasy pepperoni pizza. When the bell finally rung letting us know our lunch was over, she let out a sigh of what looked like relief. When Ashley was finally gone I turned towards my friends to listen to what they thought of her.  Standing in the background, I heard one of my friends say,” well that was an interesting lunch.”  Then my best friend added in, “yeah it defiantly was… that girl was sweet we just have to warm her up to our personality.” “She was just too quiet…but we will see what tomorrow brings us. We can crack her out of her shell though!” I added in just before the bell rung for third period.
           

3 comments:

  1. That was a really nice story. I think that you showed "shy" really well. There were a couple missed spelled words. Just another read through and it should be good. Maybe add more detail to the lunch room for example " she say down on the cold blue chair..." or something along those lines.

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  2. It was a good story but the misspelled words were a distraction..The only other thing I could suggest is to just add more little intimate details and it would make the story pop more. Overall great job!

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  3. I like the compassion shown towards this girl, and i loved how well you described this story the onlt thing i would change was show more then tell..like your sentence "trying not to be noticed" but i really liked it!

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